Saturday, September 24, 2011


As I continue to battle with how I see myself and thusly the world around me I keep running into two things. Imagination is one and the proper use of will power is the other.

The big book provides me with a decent definition on the proper use of will power:

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p85)

I get the idea about service to others, without that part of the recovery toolbox I would probably be back out drinking and porning. And there was the unexpected bonus of learning so much about myself as I worked with others. However, this constant self-deprecation that I practice is probably not part of "How can I best serve Thee."

I have only recently taken up Meditation (again) and am amazed at the power of imagination. Why is it that when I imagine something dark, dreary, or heavy I jump to acceptance. When I imagine something light and hopeful I jump to "this is dumb."

I had shared something I had created yesterday with some others and was given lots of positive affirmation. Just a few short minutes later, a shroud of negativism enveloped me, telling myself that it was not nearly as good as everyone was telling me. And I went to self pity. Jeepers, why do I do that?

So, practising Stop, Drop, and Roll, I used the power of imagination to acknowledge what had truly been said and find the positiveness that had been shared. Twice more during the day that happened.

So a note to myself. The negative imaginings are no more real than the positive imaginings. It is beneficial and healthful to imagine positive stuff about my self and my Higher Power. When the negative comes, stop, take a few breaths, and let it go. The imagery of light, of breath, of hope and love is a good displacement. And it only takes a bit of will power to do so!

And if that doesn't work then pick up the phone. Hope seems to develop as I share with others.


Annette said...

I believe that there are forces of light and dark in this world. My Hp would be the force of light of course. The forces of darkness want me to stay in a dark place, away from the light of my HP, so they lie to me and trap me in my own head. When I find myself in that place I remind myself that these dark thoughts are lies meant to pull me away from my HP's will for my life.

It works for me. Bless you for your kind comment on my blog.

Syd said...

I often listen to those voices still telling me that I am not good enough, that no matter what I do, it will not be right. But that voice comes much less often now. I am thankful that I don't have to believe it and can accept that perhaps what I offer is indeed good enough.