Sunday, September 25, 2011

Surrender

What does surrender mean for me? "That I am no longer going to drive the bus" is the first thing that comes to mind. Then "Let go and let God", followed by "His will, not mine."  On an other level, it is giving up the idea that my mind is the "sole purveyor of truth." Another idea I frequently have to yield is "others cannot be trusted." A difficult idea that I struggle with abandoning is that "I need the constant help of others" which distils down to "I cannot expect others or God to do for me what I have to do for myself."

A sponsor continues to ask me, "Do you want to be right or happy?" The fight to be right is part of that slippery path to resentments.

When I surrendered the fight over alcohol, admitted I was powerless and could not win, something happened. In the relinquishing of control, I could stop. When I finally delivered myself over to a Higher Power (which was at first the AA group.) I found that I had freedom from the obsession. I cannot explain what happened to my psyche or to my soul but I can share the first bit of advice I could accept from another recovering addict. He said, "If I wanted to make it through the day, try to help someone else make it through their day." For me, a much different approach than taking the day trying to prove that I was right to everyone who would listen.

Dr Silkworth, in a forward in the Big Book speaks of altruism. He speaks of how sharing our lives, our stories, with other alcoholics can keep us sober. He speaks of selfless giving and of the psychic change that comes as a result of surrendering. He speaks of the miracle his had witnessed. The forward is titled "The Doctor's Opinion."

One of those A.A. paradoxes, in that if we surrender, we are free.  If we give of our selves, if we try to help others, we end up helping ourselves.

2 comments:

Annette said...

Beautiful post. Love that last paragraph. Those paradoxes scare me in the beginning. They require an act of faith which often feels like a leap into the unknown. But you are right! Surrender so we can be free, help others and we help ourselves, let go and we receive.
Bless you.

Syd said...

So very true. I realize that by talking with others and helping them, I feel much better. The problems seem to float away. I like the Doctor's Opinion. A lot of good stuff in that chapter.